Guard Duty
by AddiCullen
Summary: My not so awesome attempt at being funny. Apparently I can only write twilight from Jacob POV. I don't know.


**GUARD DUTY**

**JACOB**

So...Alice had another vision. She does that a lot. But unfortunately I only hear about them when something bad is about to happen. Or might happen or whatever the hell that's about. In this vision she saw a vampire. That's it. Just a vampire somewhere in the general vicinity. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but everyone's still a little touchy about Nessie..not to mention someone might get offended by the vampire-werewolf alliance.

My point is that this means we need to set up guard shifts. Random pairs (apparently drawn out of a hat) would have to hang around the property line and keep an eye on things as a precaution. And today was my shift...with Emmett. Not that I have anything against him specifically. It's just that if I could have a pick of the Cullen's to work with...let's just say I wouldn't pick him. So now here I was. Sitting against a tree in nothing but shorts in the summer waiting for nothing. And then Emmett showed up.

He came up behind me. I turned to look at him and nodded in acknowledgment before turning back to stare at...whatever it was I was staring at. For nearly a minute he just stood there, shifting his weight awkwardly.

"You could sit down, you know." I said coldly. Emmett guffawed, plopping himself on the ground next to me.

"Vampires don't need to sit." He informed me with amusement.

"Good for you." I said in a detached tone, at the same time trying not to pinch my nose. Ew. Vampires. "I didn't mean that close."

"What?" Emmett said, confused.

"You're sitting really close to me."

"Am I making you nervous?" He grinned. _Ulk_.

"No. You just smell really bad. Move over."

"Right. Because you smell like a basket of roses.."

"Then why the hell are you sitting so close?" I demanded. He looked at me blankly for a moment, then scooched over so we were sitting some three feet apart. I sighed in relief, "Thanks."

"Didn't do it for you."

"Don't care why you did it."

"Don't you?"

"Not really."

"You're in a bad mood aren't you?"

"Do you ever stop talking?" I snapped. Emmett shrugged with a grin. I scuffed my foot against the ground, bored and uncomfortable. But there was something that seemed to be annoying me....like a constant buzz. I turned to Emmett, who was gazing of distractedly. "Are you..._humming_?" I asked incredulously.

"What?"

"You're humming. Why are you humming."

"I'm bored. You said I couldn't talk."

Screw it.

Would he notice if I peeked at my watch? I mean we must of been here for like...an hour already, right? How much longer could it be. My eyes darted to my watch. It'd been five minutes. Oh dear God. Suddenly Emmett was on his feet.

"What was that?" He asked, looking around wildly.

"What was what?" I asked, standing next to him.

"That noise. Oh _shit!_" He jumped backward and tumbled into me. We fell to the ground, his back on my chest. He was like a boulder bearing down on my bones, I could almost feel them breaking.

"Can't breath..."I tried to say...but it came out in a choked mumble.

"What?" Emmett asked, dazed.

"Get off."

"What?"

"GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU STUPID LEECH!" I shouted, finally he rolled off me. I scrambled to my hands and knees, gasping for breath and trying to keep my vision from going completely black.

"Sorry." Emmett said quickly, "Are you okay? Damn, Bella's gonna kill me. You're okay, right?"

"Sure." I gasped, "I'll be fine. Why did you do that?"

"I heard something?"

"Heard what?"

"It was coming from over there." He pulled me to my feet and dragged me a few3 yards away. "See? There is is again!"

I heard something alright. But it wasn't alarming. It was... rustling. From that bush... I moved forward to push some branches out of the way and jumped back as a ragged-looking cat sprinted out. Emmett jumped away with what could only be described as a shriek. We froze for a moment staring at each other with wide eyes. Finally, I started to laugh. Hard.

"Oh. My. God!" I bent over double, "It was just a cat! You were so freaked out!"

"Like you were totally i control." Emmett scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Yeah. Actually I was. Especially in comparison." I couldn't stop I couldn't...I couldn't...breath!

"Get over it. It wasn't that funny."

"The hell it wasn't!"

"Shut up, mutt."

"Bite me."

Emmett grinned, I stood up straight and sighed.

"Not really. Jeesh."


End file.
